The-Twitching-Doll

Hey guys. Just a quick update, I moved to a different account: I want to start fresh. If you still want to watch me, go ahead. If not, I totally understand. 

I owe all of you guys, and a really big apology. A lot of the "art" I've been posting recently was copied or traced off of her work, and I honestly feel atrocious about it. I'm really angry at myself for remotely thinking it was okay, and I don't think I can explain how ashamed of myself I am. It was disrespectful, and rude. Thank you for everyone that told her about this because I needed the slap in the face that this was very wrong. That being said, I think I'm done drawing for quiet a while. I don't want this journal having me come across as me being a victim here because I was a complete jerk. And I'm not asking for any of you not to be angry or annoyed by me. I'm going to go out on a limb and say a lot of you are pretty pissed off at me, and that's okay. I'm furious with myself, too, and this is no way me trying to justify what I did because there is no justification. 

Maybe sometime I'll start to draw publicly again, but as of right now I don't see myself worthy of calling myself an "artist". If anyone wants to talk to me for some reason, my email is on my profile, and for those of you who have my skype feel free to message me. I just won't promise that I'll reply. 

I wish all of you the best, and thank you for making the year I had on this site wonderful. I'm so sorry that I went and was so thoughtless of all of you guys, you all deserve better. Please go check out Limey's work, she's a wonderful artist. Thank you guys for reading.

I haven't been able to get more than an hour or two of sleep for the past few weeks, and last night I did something really stupid. It was around 2:30am when I was just so tired and fed up with having ungodly circles under my eyes and my eyes themselves being all red. I dug around in my medicine cabinet and basically overdosed myself on Nyquil. And as you can imagine I went out like a friggen light. The entire morning I had so much pain in my stomach, and I was incredibly nauseous. Until half way into 1st period math class I vomited in one of the trash cans. Our substitute had to call the nurse so they were ready for me to basically walk through the door and start upchucking my guts out. I eventually stopped but I had the shakes and my lungs were acting up from getting sick so many times, I was a freaking mess. My brother's fiance had to pick me up and drive me home. I got sick in the bathroom as soon as I got home, and imminently went to take a shower. To wash off the heavy feeling of everything that'd happened. My brother's fiance had to go back to work once I set myself up in bed, but I couldn't stay still for the life of me. Being the shitty person I am I figured "hey why not take a walk". By then kids from the town highschool were out of school and one of my friends from when were kids must have saw me from the public bus and got off. I looked like hell. I felt like hell. She walked over and we sat down on the big metal fence and she asked me "the hell happened to you"? I told her and her face was disgusted and sad an angry all at the same time. I dunno. The entire conversation was a big reality check. And if I'm being honest it wasn't even a conversation. She did all the talking or yelling. She kept saying "you don't get to do this Lily, you don't get to die on me, you don't get to do that to me" I couldn't respond to her my ears weren't working because everything sounded echoed and distant except for that sentence. You know how when your head is underwater and you can still hear things? But only the general sound and everything is muffled? That's what the entire world sounded like.

My friends are so good. My two best guy friends at school are always looking out for me, and dragging me away from the creepy kid thats always a perv to me. My two best girl friends at school are always there when I don't want to be alone when I stay after to make up some gym classes or have to work in the library. All of my friends, they're always just...there when I need them the most. Whether thats talking with me and making me laugh, or just sitting with me in silence. I know that I'm sick. And I know I'm still a kid. I don't really have parents I can talk to. My friends are all I have. I don't get to do this to them. And that makes me angry. Because they don't know what goes through my head. They don't know what the world looks like. They don't know what the hell is happening to be. But they're still willing to stand with me, protect me, laugh with me, and put up with the shit that I do to myself. And I know that it hurts them. I don't get to do this to them, and I don't get to die on them. 

When we went to a farm in New York



A few months after we were born



Halloween 2012

Me and my friends do the stupidest things...